Staring at the Palace, Angel felt fear once again. The Palace was gone. Burned down nothing left but charred rubble. Why, why did she leave the safe, soft arms of Michael to chase a dream of getting her gold and settling down in cabin of her own.
Smoke, the dream was now all going up in smoke just like the Palace.
Angel was soon back in business. Paid the owner, Murphy, with the only thing she had to barter with. Her body. He wanted it all. Her, for himself and a large cut of the action.
She had no gold, no clothes, no food, no place no friends. She was right back where she started in San Francisco. Except it was winter now and snowing. That voice in her head is saying what she knows now in her heart.
“There is never going to be a cabin, nothing is ever going to change. I should have stayed with Michael“.
The days ran together. She was right back where she started so long ago, numb, existing but not living. Long ago, really has lived out life in only a year and a half.
Angel sat on her bed eyes tightly closed, she made no sound, but the room was filled with silent screaming waiting for the next young miner. He smelled of fresh soap. Hurry up, lets get this done.
“Michael! Oh, Michael” Angel had never seen him so angry. He had never been this angry. He could fight off an army if he had to. He had to save Angel from herself!
“Anyone else want to come between me and my Wife?” Angel trembled with fear.
After a while they stopped the wagon on the way back to Michaels home and Michael tried to talk to Angel begging her to tell him why? But she became angry, at him, at the world, at life, and lashed back at Michael with all the fear and hate she had bottled up inside. Broken in piece right before his eyes.
When she finally stopped hitting him, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. He could feel her whole body shaking violently. He could feel the fear radiating from her. His rage frightened him. If he had hit her back once, he would have killed her.
He had almost gone out of his mind when she left him. Afraid he had lost her.
After trying to wash her life and sins away in the cold creek with gravel she finally let her guard down and started telling Michael about her life. From birth until present day. Michael confessed to Amanda how he wanted to kill her. He too was a sinner and in need of God’s grace and forgiveness.
Michael now sees her, instead of a harlot he has rescued, as the nameless child who had been broken and was lost. Michael starts to see she needs a new life, new clothes and a change of scenery. He takes her to Sacramento as a way to start fresh for both of them. Angel is allowing him in little by little. Some boys in town call her lady and for the first time she sees that maybe, just maybe she could be a lady.
“You are not a prostitute anymore, Amanda. You are my wife.” Michael smiled. “You can love me as much as you want and feel safe.”
Falling in love meant you lost control of your emotions and your will and your life. It meant you lost yourself. And Angel couldn’t risk that, even with this man.
Oh, how many times have I felt that I couldn’t let go and let God. Was He all He said He was? I was so afraid until I finally let go and trusted HIM!
2 thoughts on “Fear 15-17”
Even after trusting, I think there are times when we doubt, when we go back to believing that we are in control and have answers for our own lives, when we know better than God. Of course, that is never true but we are all human. God is loving like Michael and puts his arms around us and forgives. He is our loving Father. For that I am thankful.
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Yes Betty I agree. He is our loving Father yet we can disobey and forget that at time huh? I am so thankful for salvation and Jesus Christ taking my place on that cross. Amen
thanks for your reply